Conclusion

This is the email I sent to my classmates explaining my reasoning for the delay.



Hello friends,

I was placed at Abundant Life Baptist Church. If you're curious about why I didn't open my letter right off the bat, I've given a short blurb below. If you're not concerned about the why, then don't bother reading the rest of this message. For those that read the rest, if you have questions, I'd be more than happy to answer them, I think. I'll decide by the time I'm done writing this.

* * *

First off, I never meant for this to be such a big thing. In hindsight, it seemed a little short-sighted of me to assume that my decision would impact so many others.

As this day approached all of us, I, to be honest, was less concerned about my placement that I could have been. I was content to leave the final decision of placement to "the process". I gave my preferences. While much prayer and contemplation went into that decision - weighing my options, pros v. cons., client populations, etc, all that stopped after I sent in my feedback. After that was done, I stopped thinking about my placement. I stopped praying about the whole placement process.

Flash forward to today. On the drive over for an observation, I barely thought about placement at all, instead thinking about "What if they cancel? Did I bring paper? What am I going to do between then and class?" Once I parked my car however, I took a minute to think and pray about the significance this day would hold for my future. My first interactions with clients, my formulation of how I do therapy, the impact I'll have on other lives besides my own, etc. Thinking about all of this, I reasoned that the paperwork had likely already been drawn up. So, unbeknownst to me, I had been treating the process with measure of what could be called, apathy.

My thoughts began racing through my head. "How did I let this happen?" "When did this happen?" (with intermittent thoughts of "Crap!")

One question, in particular, struck me more than the others. While the question was still directed towards me, it was void of the self-criticism. It was the loving, yet firm voice of Jesus. "Are you trying to do this without me?"

Now, a little context. My initial interest in this field was prompted by God in the winter of 2005. That's another story.

In the past months, I've come to the realization that, if God gives us breath and life and all we could need, how utterly absurd is it to think that we, I, can do anything for Him. Like somehow, I can make a difference in the lives of others when I, theologically, can't even breathe on my own. I was dumbstruck. Super duh-moment.

Then, another question, mine this time, "What do I do about it?"

Summing everything up. In short, God wanted me to wait to open my letter until I had, as much as possible, dedicated my efforts to serving, without apathy but purposefully, regardless of where I was placed. And as a side note, this whole thing was less a problem when I was prompted to do the same thing with my admissions letter. That took me a couple days to open. Again, another story.

So, I hope this hasn't bored you. Again, questions, I'll take em.

Peace, Love, Chicken Grease,

The Cohort 38 Male